


Worst Luck

by lovesickjily



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 13:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13683042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesickjily/pseuds/lovesickjily
Summary: James hates Valentine's Day, solely because it never goes out the way he wants it to. His past experiences have ensured that.





	Worst Luck

James Potter thought that life worked weirdly for him.

He had almost everything people wanted in life: the looks, the brains, the money, just stuff people generally would wish for if they ever came across a genie lamp. He supposed he could attribute all of that to his loving parents, who had passed their favorable genes onto him and provided him with a vast sum of money that people could only dream of having.

It was no surprise that life could give him the perfect girl to go with his already-perfect life, the only problem being that she had thrown him so deep into the friendzone that if someone were to throw a rope at him, he would still be too far away to grab it to get out of said zone.

There was also the problem that fucking _Valentine’s Day_ was coming up, and just like it had done for his entire life, he was going to go through a whole day of feeling lonely and overthinking himself into a state of sadness because he thought himself incapable of being loved— not the kind of love that he got from his family, but the kind that one shared with their significant other.

Every year something terrible would happen to James on Valentine’s Day, and he thought it was rather unfair because he hadn’t done anything that would have made the universe curse him with an inability to be happy on the day of love.

James never had a problem with Valentine’s Day back when he was in primary school because _everyone_ was each other’s Valentine. The teachers always threw little Valentine’s Day parties where every kid in the class brought treats related to the holiday. Usually he threw away those little cards that came with the candy he’d gotten unless it was Spider-Man themed— he had a strange love for the hero back in those days.

Of course, it all started going downhill when he turned eleven. The teachers had ceased to throw parties because they were too old for such parties. The girls in James’s class had protested because their parents told them that they were too young to love, but how was it that they were too old to celebrate the _holiday_ of love? James agreed with them, solely because he wanted candy and cookies, even if the holiday itself seemed too girly at the time.

In the time before James had met Lily, the love of his life, he hadn’t gotten feelings so strong towards anyone else, at least not strong enough to make him want to give love and affection to someone else. He’d had girlfriends in the past, but they had never lasted long enough to even have a Valentine’s Day together.

He remembered when he had his first girlfriend who sticked around long enough for the wretched holiday, he had walked in on her going at it with some other bloke. At the time James was hurt, but that was nothing compared to how he’d felt in the two years that he had known Lily.

Besides, if Lily— even her name sounded lovely— did actually have the same feelings towards him, she would have already acted on them at some point in the time they’ve known each other. James knew fully well that he had acted on those feelings in the past before.

It was give or take a year ago when James had moved on a drunken whim that made him think that it was a great idea to suddenly kiss Lily at Frank Longbottom’s party, which had later ended in him apologizing profusely for his actions and explaining himself because his drunken state had caused him to spill his heart to her in such a terrible manner.

He remembered she was talking to Marlene, the topic of conversation between the two women irrelevant, when he had made a big show of lazily wrapping his arm around her shoulder and steering her away from her friend. He noted the shrug Lily had given Marlene at her raised eyebrow.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Up?” James, slurred, “Nah, I’m not high. Not this time. Just a little drunk.”

“Already?” she asked in amusement.

“Whad’dya, mean, ‘already?’ It’s— ,” he paused, pulling his phone out of pocket and blinking at the time, “10 ‘leven.”

“We got here an hour ago!”

“Good point,” he laughed, “You’re so witty, Lily.”

“And you’re _so_ drunk.”

James couldn’t even register what she was saying anymore because the alcohol was really starting to kick in at that time. It wasn’t really _James’s_ fault for drinking so much in little time— well, actually, it was, but technicalities— but rather he blamed his stupid luck that of course Lily’s outfit had attracted the eyes of many blokes, and he had seen her flirting with some other bloke with a nose much too big for his face. Remus had assured him that Lily was only being polite, but that was only Remus trying to stop James from a horrible hangover the next morning.

“And _you’re_ so gorgeous and smart and nice and amazing,” he said, and Lily stared at him in confusion.

“You’re drunk,” she repeated, and for some reason James found that really funny. When he had calmed down from his laugh, he cupped her face and kissed her. He had no idea what his thought process was that had made him kiss her, as she would obviously not fall for him when he had involuntarily kissed her, and she had pulled away and ran off.

Eventually they had talked about the kiss, but James had vehemently denied that he had any sort of feelings towards her and that he had just acted on a whim. He thought he saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes at his response, and so that gave him the great idea that maybe he should do something for her on Valentine’s Day, which was a few weeks away, because that small bit in her eyes gave him hope that maybe she _did_ fancy him.

On that particular holiday, he had bought a bouquet of flowers and chocolates to give to her at her flat, but before he could knock on the door, he had heard the sound of kissing and laughter from inside, which meant that Lily was obviously being swept off of her feet by someone other than him. It had turned out that Big Nose— the name James had coined for the bloke who had flirted with Lily at the party— had asked her out, and they dated for a few months after. Luckily they’d broken now, but it still didn’t stop James from being in a foul mood the entire Valentine’s Day last year. At least he had some nice chocolates to eat while he tried his hardest not to cry but failed in the comfort of his flat.

James just wanted to be with her, to hold her hand and kiss her whenever he pleased. Unfortunately he was in the worst friendzone known, the kind where Lily treated him just like she treated her girl friends, where she was so close to him yet so far away. He noticed that girls didn’t seem to hesitate when it came to physical contact or telling their mind with one another, which was exactly what Lily did with James. Whenever she visited his flat to watch a movie, they would end up cuddling with one another, and even though it felt nice to have her pressed against him like that— it was inevitable that he would get a boner, but she didn’t need to know that— he wished that he could turn her over away from the television to face him during these times so he could explore her with his lips.

And of course, just because she saw him as one of her girl friends, it was inevitable that they would go on shopping trips with each other, though James never actually bought anything; rather, he just tagged along because he liked to be around her. He never understood the hype about buying new clothes, as he had a closet filled with more than enough clothing than he needed, but he loved seeing Lily getting excited over how pretty some dress was.

Currently he was sitting on a bench in the dressing room as he waited for Lily to try on the clothing that she— and James— had liked. He had been scrolling through his phone when she had emerged from a stall wearing a flowery off-the-shoulder shirt, and he wished that at that time that they were dating because he couldn’t say anything stupid without her suspecting that he had feelings towards her. She took his silence as disapproval.

“No? Well, I suppose I wasn’t really feeling this one as much as the others,” she said, turning back to change out of the shirt.

“No. It looks nice on you. I was just thinking about something else.”

“Sorry I’m not enough to grab your wholehearted attention,” she said with an eye roll and looked at herself in the mirror. “I like the design, and it doesn’t look too unflattering on me. I guess I’ll get it.”

James wanted to tell her that she looked absolutely gorgeous in the shirt, but then he’d probably accidentally slip up and tell her he loved her or that she would look better without it. However, she _was_ his friend despite him wanting _much_ more, and he could sense her uncertainty on her appearance. “Oi, you make _trash bags_ look flattering. Give yourself more credit.”

She gave him a half shrug and a small salute as she ventured back into the changing stall. He swore he could see a faint blush on her cheeks and that the salute was only a way to cover it up, but he didn’t want to delude himself into thinking there were signs that weren’t really there. He’d done that in the past, and obviously it didn’t end well because he was not in a romantic relationship with her.

That was the last article of clothing that she had selected from the racks of the store, and he followed her to check out. He was insistent on paying for her, but she was adamant on using her own money. “I like spending my own money. It shows that I worked for it.”

“But you can save said money if I pay.”

“What will Mother Potter say when she sees that her son is spending money on feminine attire?”

“Mum’s always told me that it was okay to embrace my more feminine side.”

She stifled a laugh. “Is that why you’re out shopping with me today?”

“Correction: I’m out watching _you_ shop today.”

“I don’t see you buying anything for yourself.”

“We’re in a Forever 21 store, Lily, which, might I remind you, appeals more to women than men.”

“Right, but it makes me feel like I forcibly dragged you here.”

“Oh I don’t mind,” he replied, grabbing a pair of giant square sunglasses with a yellow tint and putting them on over his own glasses, “Plus, you shouldn’t feel bad. I _am_ shopping for myself.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she replied, flashing him a beautiful smile as she laughed at his antics.

“Since we’re _both_ buying things together, it’s only logical that I pay for both of us.”

“Those glasses are ten pounds at most.”

“And _I_ only carry hundreds in bills.”

“I’ll pay, then.”

“Next customer!” the cashier had called out when the previous shopper had finished. Before Lily could respond, James took the clothes from her hands and placed them on the counter, pulling out his credit card and handing them to the teenager working. James knew that Lily would not start an argument over who would be paying in a public area, especially when he had already settled it. “Young love is so beautiful.”

“Pardon?” James asked at the cashier’s remark.

“To see you paying for your girlfriend. You seem to suit each other well.”

“Oh, you’ve got it wrong,” Lily said.

“We’re not dating,” he added.

“Right. Sorry,” the cashier said, her cheeks flaring up in embarrassment. Even though it wasn’t even her fault, James couldn’t help but think that if he and Lily _were_ dating, they wouldn’t have to get into these awkward situations.

They walked out of the store and weaved around people as they continued their shopping trip. They passed the Build a Bear Workshop display, and of course, the window had to rub in James’s face that he was going to again be alone on Valentine’s Day by putting up pink stuffed animals with hearts and large text that announced a Valentine’s sale.

“That’s cute,” Lily noted when her eyes had landed on the bears, noticeably slowing down to look at the display.

“I suppose if you’re into that shit,” he replied nonchalantly, looking back at her, as he was ahead of her in the mall. James knew that in a world where they were together, he would have easily dragged her inside and insisted that they got matching bears and recorded their own voices so that the other could hear each other whenever they wanted.

“Oh, come off it. If you had a girlfriend, wouldn’t you want to make a bear with her?” she pouted at him.

“If I had a girlfriend, I’d want to make other things with her.”

Lily blanched at his not-so-subtle implication. “Gross.”

“What? You’ve done it before.”

“Yes, but I like to see sex as a physical rendition of the connection of two souls.”

“Don’t get poetic now. Besides, you’ve never been in love.”

“I have,” she said quietly, and he blinked at her. Lily was in love with someone? Surely she would have mentioned it at some point in conversation, but they had never discussed their personal feelings with one another before, solely because James tried his hardest to avoid that topic for obvious reasons.

“Who?” he asked, not able to help himself.

She shook her head and smiled at him. “It doesn’t matter. Hey, let’s go hit up the food court. I’m _famished_.” James noticed her obvious attempt at a change of conversation, but he didn’t press the matter. He’d bring it up later, though.

“All right,” he replied, jutting his elbow out as an invitation for them to link arms. She happily responded, and that was probably the closest they’d ever go to holding hands. They passed up Victoria’s Secret, and he thought that she’d probably want to head in there. “You gonna buy new underwear?”

“Nope. That’s a luxury I don’t need nor can I afford. I’ve got loads at home already. Plus, I don’t have anyone to impress.”

“Right.”

“Besides, I wouldn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in there.”

“I am so grateful to have someone as understanding as you in my life,” he said sarcastically, and she rolled her eyes at him. The statement held truth to it, though James was not entirely honest about why he was grateful he had her in his life. It was funny really that they could talk about anything, which ranged from Lily’s lady days to the universe, _except_ about their own feelings.

* * *

 James always found time to visit his parents after he had moved out for uni. He graduated now and considered himself to be a fully-grown adult, but his mother never hesitated to call him out whenever he was making stupid decisions.

“Valentine’s Day is coming up,” she said over dinner one day, though his father could not go home on time, as he was meeting with prospective people that he could sell his company to.

“Is it? I thought Halloween was nearing,” James retorted, scooping some chicken onto his spoon and into his mouth.

“I take your sarcasm as a way to say that you want to avoid the topic.”

“Maybe I genuinely thought the spooky season was approaching.”

“You’re an idiot, but your upbringing has ensured that you are not that much of an idiot.”

“Well it’s a stupid holiday.”

“Valentine’s Day or Halloween?”

“Which one do you think?” he asked. Halloween was for sure James’s favorite holiday, and he had made that a known fact for his entire life. He could dress up in whatever attire he wanted without any judgement because chances were that some other person had shown up in an outfit _much_ more worse than his. Also, he loved giving out candy to little kids, as he always managed to put a smile on their faces just by giving them giant candy bars, and then by the end of the night he could divulge in the leftovers. He really couldn’t wait to have children. He thought he’d be the best dad in the world, and the thought of a little him running around was so exciting. Of course, it took two to have children, and with his love predicament at the moment, it seemed he wouldn’t be having kids anything soon.

“Halloween _is_ the time where most creepers show up,” she said, and he stood up from his seat.

“I object to your statement!” he exclaimed, pointing an accusing fork at his mother. Realizing that his action seemed pretty threatening to his dear mother, he placed the fork back onto his plate and sat down. “Valentine’s Day holds undisguised discrimination against people who have yet to acquire love in their life.”

“So say Lily chose to be with you—”

“Why do you relate every situation I’m in to Lily?” he interrupted.

His mother ignored him. “ —Would you still consider Valentine’s Day to be as horrible as you think it is?”

“I don’t _think_ it’s horrible. I _know_ it is.”

“You are 24 years old. Stop being immature and take initiative for your feelings.”

“I _have_ taken initiative.”

“A drunken kiss does not count as taking initiative.”

“Confrontation is scary!”

“You’ve had girlfriends in the past. Surely you know how to tell a woman that you want to be with her.”

“That’s different,” James defended himself, and continued to explain himself upon seeing his mother’s raised eyebrows, “In the past I _knew_ they felt the same towards me. Lily gives me mixed signals.”

“So what? You’re just going to hope that one day she makes the first move?”

“Pretty much.”

His mother rubbed the balls of her eyes wearily. “At your age I expected grandchildren by now, yet you can’t even find the courage to tell someone that you love them.”

“She’d reject me.”

“You’re not going to die from rejection. Lock yourself in your room for weeks, maybe, but surely you won’t die.”

“I can’t see myself with anyone else,” he said, his voice strained.

“I know, darling,” she replied sympathetically, placing her hands on top of his, “You have terrible judgement—”

“Gee, thanks.”

“ — _But_ , I know that this woman is none like any other you’ve met. She’ll come around if she hasn’t already.”

“Why does it feel like we’ve had this same conversation before?” he grumbled, hating that she always knew what to say while simultaneously taking the mickey out of him.

“Oh we have,” she chirped, patting his hand now, “For the past few years you’ve known her.”

“And look where that led me,” he muttered.

“That’s all on you. I just give you the motivation. What you do with my advice is completely up to you.”

James just hoped that this year things would be different.

* * *

 

A week later, exactly two days before the dreaded holiday, Lily had come over to James’s flat to hang out. He honestly did not care what movie they watched so long as he got to cuddle with her, and in honor of Valentine’s Day, she put on The Notebook, also universally known as the movie that gave birds unrealistic expectations about love.

Lily moved closer to James and rested her head on his shoulder about twenty minutes into the movie, and he resisted the urge to wrap his arm around her. He always made sure that she wasn’t too close to his heart— physically, of course, as she took up a large portion of his heart emotionally speaking— because he really did not want her to feel that his heart was beating erratically at their close proximity.

“Bet you’re gonna cry when that rain scene comes on,” James said, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“What could you possibly gain from my crying? It’s a beautiful scene. I wouldn’t be surprised if you started tearing up too.”

“ _I_ don’t tear up over fictional romance. Maybe from my own heartbreak or when a dog dies in a movie, but definitely _not_ from a cliche kiss.”

“Your own heartbreak?” she tilted her head up at him and looked at him curiously, “I don’t recall you ever getting your heart broken.” If only she knew.

“Well, yeah, I suppose, but I think I’d cry if someone I really cared for left or hurt me.”

“Can you believe it? James Potter really _is_ a sentient human being.”

“I know. I was quite shocked when I learned that too.”

She hummed in response and went back to her previous position with her head on his shoulder, where they watched the movie in silence. When the rain scene had ended, James was surprised to feel wetness on his cheeks, and he went to wipe it off, an action that Lily did not fail to notice.

“Aha! I knew you were a big softie!” she exclaimed, her cheeks wet with tears herself.

“I am _not_ ,” he denied, “This man wrote a letter every day for a year for his lady love, and she waited seven years for him. How could you blame me for crying?”

“So you _do_ admit to crying.”

“Yes,” he grumbled, and she clapped her hands together.

“You _softie._ I wouldn’t be surprised if you secretly wanted to spoil your future ‘lady love’ with love and affection.”

“There is no future lady love for me.”

“Why is that?”

He looked at her briefly, a whirlwind of responses he could have said, like how the only person who he wanted to be with was her, but instead he settled with, “‘Cause I don’t fancy anyone.”

She blinked at him, and he swore he saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes, the same he remembered seeing when he denied that he had any feelings towards her, but it soon disappeared without a trace. “Oh. Right.”

His heart skipped a beat. “Do you fancy anyone?”

She averted her eyes and looked down at her lap. “Yeah. Yeah I do.”

He figured that the person that she fancied was also the person who had mentioned that she had be in love with because she was again getting awkward with her responses. He thought that this bloke that she loved was the luckiest person in the world. He probably didn’t even know how much she cared for him, and the fact that he didn’t even have to _try_ to win her affections because she already loved him showed that James’s own efforts were futile. Still, it didn’t stop him from asking, “Who is it?”

“I— It doesn’t matter, really. He only sees me as a friend.” James wondered what kind of self-respecting bloke only saw the redhead sitting beside him as only a friend, because to him she was his entire _universe._ He felt his chest flaring up with jealousy towards this mysterious person, but he knew that acting rashly would only make matters worse. It was evident that Lily seemed to be hurting over this bloke, and he hated to see her upset, so he decided to put her own feelings over his, something that he tended to do a lot.

“Does he know how you feel?” he asked her, his hands soothingly threading themselves through her soft hair.

“No, I don’t think so, but I’ve been so obvious about it.”

“You should tell him how you feel,” he replied, hoping that his voice sounded consoling and not as if he was going to break because she was feeling the same way about someone as how he felt about her.

“Do you think so?”

“Yeah. The worst that can happen is that he rejects you,” he started, and upon seeing the bewildered looked on her face, he quickly added, “But if he does care for you, even if only just as a friend, he won’t be a dick about it.”

She buried her face in her hands. “I’ve tried so hard to tell him how I felt, but at the very last moment I panic internally and say something else.”

James could completely relate to her because many times he found himself almost saying stupid things like how she smelled nice or that he thought she was the most beautiful person in the world, which could only end badly.

“You could try writing your thoughts down in a letter and give it to him. You don’t even have to hand it to him. You could easily slide it underneath his door, and if things don’t work out the way you want them to, at least you got to release steam because it’s finally off of your shoulders.”

“Thank you. For the advice, I mean. You’re a great friend, James.” _Friend._ How ironic that Lily was being friendzoned by someone, yet she was doing the same thing to him, though she was completely unaware of his feelings, and it wasn’t her fault. He just wished that it was _he_ who she was pining after.

“It’s really no problem. But hey, you know what’s funny?” When Lily didn’t say anything, just stared at the television as she waited for him to continue, he said, “I know which part of your monthly cycle you’re at right now, but I think this is probably the first time we’ve ever discussed feelings.”

With his words she burst into laughter, a harmonious sound that never failed to make James proud that he could incite that sort of reaction from her. “Discussed _my_ feelings, not yours. Now let me ask you again, James Potter, who do you have _your_ eyes set on?”

He shifted awkwardly on the couch, “I already said. I don’t fancy anyone. If I did, don’t you think I’d have a girlfriend?”

“That’s not necessarily the case. _I’m_ single, aren’t I?”

“Point taken.”

She centered her face so that she was looking directly up at him. If he only just leaned down just a little, he could taste her lips, but that wasn’t appropriate, especially when Lily was in love with someone else. “Tell me about her.”

“Well, obviously she’s witty… gorgeous... smart... nice and just amazing in general.”

Lily’s soft smile left her face, and she blinked up at him. “That’s what you told me that I was right before you, know you, kissed me,” she said the last part quietly, as if she was ashamed of it.

James’s eyes widened briefly because that was a major slip up, and she was going to reject him and tell him that she didn’t see him like that, that he should just give up on being with her. “I have a very limited vocabulary.”

“Right. Continue.”

He ran his hand through his hair. He could _not_ believe that he was describing the woman that he loved to, well, the woman that he loved. “She makes my heart jump miles, and her smile— god, her _smile._ I could be having a bad day, but once she whips those pearly whites out, it’s like the clouds forming in my head have cleared away and there’s only sunshine left.”

“She sounds lovely,” Lily smiled, but he tell that it was ingenuine and that something was really bothering her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her in concern.

“Oh, nothing really. It’s just that we’re both pining after someone so great who’s virtually unaware of our feelings towards them.”

“We’ve the best luck, don’t we?”

“Suppose we do,” she agreed softly, “Who is it?”

“Pardon?”

“Who do you love?”

“Oi, you won’t tell me who you love. It’s only fair that I don’t tell you.”

“Right. Sorry for pressing the matter.”

“Don’t apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

He snaked an arm around her back and pulled her closer to him, rubbing her head soothingly. They watched the rest of the movie quietly, and when he turned to her to ask what she wanted to eat, he saw that she was sleeping soundly.

Choosing not to disturb her, he gently picked her up and carried her into his room, placing her down onto his bed. He draped the duvet over her, and his fingers stopped at her face where they lingered. He softly brushed the stray strands of her hair out of her face, and the moonlight drifting in made her seem to glow. He briefly considered giving her a small kiss on the cheeks but refrained from doing so.

She was so beautiful.

He so desperately wished that he could fall asleep beside her with her snuggled into his chest so that he could feel like he was protecting her from the dangers of the world, but he knew that taking such a risk would jeopardize their relationship. She could easily wake up to him calling out her name in his sleep because he had an inappropriate dream, and he had a feeling that she would not like the sight of his erection poking through the duvet.

Besides, he had a sense of decency. It was a little intrusive to sleep beside someone when there were established implications of a line that she not be crossed. But wow, it sure would be nice to have her as the last thing in his sight before falling asleep.

James closed the door behind him and grabbed a spare blanket and pillows, pulling the blanket over himself as he knew that he would spend an uncomfortable night on his couch.

When James woke up with aches in his back, the smells of breakfast drifted in through his nose. He was confused for a moment, as he didn’t live with anyone, but the memories from last night hit him just as the sight of red hair moved towards him.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Lily said, a tray in her hands of what James presumed was food. He mindlessly reached out to his glasses and put them on. He saw that her hair was wet and that she was wearing his favorite sports jersey that stopped at right above her knee, and he willed himself to think of other things that did not concern her state of dress. Briefly he wondered if this was what a typical morning was like married to her. Sensing his eyes on the shirt was was wearing, she added, “I showered earlier, and I didn’t want to wear the same thing. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, it’s fine. The neighbours will probably think that we had sex when you leave, though.”

Lily’s face tinted. “I’ll return your clothes, obviously. Here,” she said, handing him the tray, which contained eggs, sausages, and pancakes.

“Are you gonna eat?” he asked her when she simply sat beside him.

“Oh, I ate already,” she replied, “Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed.”

“It’s nothing. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Not really. I don’t think you should put myself over yourself. You’re just as important, you know.”

“I’d feel terrible if I made you take the couch.”

“I wouldn’t have minded,” she replied.

“I would have. Minded, I mean with you taking the couch. I mean _obviously_ I mind sleeping on the couch because I’d rather lay on my bed,” he said awkwardly.

“Yeah, I get it.” They fell into a comfortable quiet with the sounds of James’s fork scraping against his plate. Then, Lily asked, “Any hopes for tomorrow?”

“Besides the unrealistic chance that the girl I want will actually show up at my door? Not really.”

“Hey, don’t be so pessimistic. Maybe something better will happen.”

“Better?” he asked, not sure what she meant. What could possibly be better than Lily showing up at his door ready to snog his brains out? “Could you elaborate?”

“Well. You know the parallel universes theory with how there’s a universe for every decision you make and didn’t make?” When James nodded, she continued, “Then that means that there’s a prospective event that’s even better than what _you_ think is the best scenario.”

“So what? You think there’s something better than the woman of my dreams telling me that she loves me?”

“I— Technically speaking, yes.”

“The chances of that happening was at an all time low. I think something better than that is at a negative percentage.”

“Oh. Right,” she said, looking down at her lap. He heard her breathe in heavily, and James knew too well that she was trying to refrain from crying.

“Are you all right?”

She nodded her head. “Fine,” she managed to let out.

James saw right through her lie. “You’re not all right, Lily. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“It’s honestly nothing, really.” But then suddenly she stood up from her spot on the couch. “I’ve got to go. Busy life and all.”

Before James could answer, she rushed out of his flat, closing the door behind her. It took a few moments for the events to sink in, and he was confused as to why Lily had behaved that way. Did it really upset her that much that he was expecting the worst possible scenarios for tomorrow? There was obviously something that Lily wasn’t telling him, but then again, he was hiding his feelings from her too.

He hated that she was hurting over something, and he wanted to make her happier. He’d been so deep in his own feelings that he hadn’t properly thought about how she was feeling over her own case of unrequited love.

He hoped things would be better tomorrow.

* * *

 The time on James’s phone told him that it was officially 11:17 on Valentine’s Day. He had tried his hardest to sleep the night before, but the trepidation that filled him at his uncertainty about the future had kept him up. He had finally fallen asleep at 5 in the morning after consulting Sirius, who had first told him to “Fuck off it’s 2 in the morning,” but eventually Sirius had realized that James was even more at war with his feelings than usual.

Typically Sirius would have given him horrible advice like to jump Lily— James reminded him that he had unintentionally done that, and it didn’t end well— but this time he had let James to vent to him. He had managed to calm James down because he had managed to get some weight off his shoulders, which had tired him out and allowed him to get some rest.

He felt so conflicted. He and Lily’s discussion of feelings only brought more problems to his predicament. If he chose to do something romantic for Lily, what were the chances that she had acted on his own advice to her and confessed her feelings towards the bloke that she loved, who was _not_ him. But if he chose to _not_ do anything and continued sulking in his room, then Lily would never know how strong his feelings were towards her. It was a lose-lose situation.

He rolled over in bed, groaning. His plan for the abhorrent holiday was to lay in bed and contemplate the what-ifs, knowing that he wouldn’t actually go through with a plan to sweep Lily off of her feet. He knew his mother would be disappointed as he denied her another year of prospective children, but he also knew that it would just destroy himself if Lily rejected him when he had actually made an effort.

The advice that he had given Lily passed through his mind, and he felt so hypocritical for not acting on it. Lily was probably pouring her heart onto a letter to someone at the moment if she wasn’t already enjoying her afternoon with the man who had stolen her heart.

And even if he went through with getting something for Lily, it would have stopped her from making a move on whoever she held feelings for, but James didn’t want to prevent her from getting into a relationship with someone because he had made her feel guilty about his own feelings.

But who could Lily possibly be in love with? He was fairly certain that he was the closest male to her, and she didn’t keep in contact with the likes of people with big noses— her previous relationship with Big Nose had crumbled because he continually lied to her, and her old friendship with Snape had fallen apart because he was deceiving and lacked any sympathy for anyone but himself. What if Lily was in love with one of his mates? Oh, god. If that was the case, James thought he’d had to move away to a foreign country and restart his life, though he knew that his friends would deny her advances.

Lily had called James her best guy friend in many occasions, and maybe all those times that he had dismissed any feelings that she could have held towards him had just been to prevent himself from feeling disappointed later.

It was the hopefulness that had filled him that had spurred him to want to take action despite the risks that came with the plan. James threw the covers off of him and grabbed a clean shirt from his dresser, pulling it over his head and jingling his car keys as he headed out of the building.

Luckily the nearest store was only two minutes away. He rushed towards the section of the store with the flowers, which honestly wasn’t that hard, as stores tended to stick all things related to the nearing holiday near the front for easier access. Unfortunately for James, he was not the only last-minute Valentine’s Day shopper, and the only flowers remaining were wilting and unattractive. He wanted to cry out in frustration.

He walked out of the store, and even though that was probably a sign that James should just give up, he decided to drive around town, hoping that he’ll find a flower shop nearby. He was going to call it a day, but then his eyes landed on a small store that he most likely would have missed if he was just glancing down the street.

Deciding that he might as well try, he pulled up to the front of the small building called “Agatha’s Flowers.” On the outside it seemed as if it was abandoned, but any preconceived notions he had before disappeared, as the inside of the shop was decorated in a lively manner. He couldn’t help but think that Lily would love it if he were to just judge from its interior. He approached the single elderly woman sitting behind the counter, and she flashed him a warm smile. “Good afternoon. I take it you’re doing late Valentine’s Day shopping?”

“I suppose you can call it that,” he responded, “I want to tell someone that I love her, see, but she doesn’t know about my feelings towards her.”

“I see,” she started, “Are there are flowers that you have in mind?”

“No,” he began, scratching the back of his neck, “I’m terrible at expressing my feelings.”

“Surely you must know at least one flower that you think she would love.”

“I dunno. Her favorite flowers are sunflowers, but I don’t think that’ll give the romantic message I want to show.”

She turned around to grab an assortment of flowers, and soon she came back with a few different types in her hand. “Roses are a necessity in any flower bouquet intended for love. Lilies are a symbol of passion, and sunflowers will add the element of thoughtfulness. I have other flowers here as well to add to the variety, including orange alstroemerias and viking poms.”

“Her name’s Lily,” James brought up, and the woman’s eyes crinkled up from her smile.

“She must be as lovely as she sounds.”

“She’s lovelier,” he assured the woman.

She rang up the price on her cash register. “I hope 74 pounds isn’t too much for you.”

“No. The price doesn’t matter to me.”

“How generous of you,” she nearly cooed. James didn’t want to say that it was because he lived his entire life surrounded by wealth. He handed her his card and waited patiently for her to wrap the flowers up. She handed the bouquet to him, which even he could admit looked beautiful, almost like it epitomized Lily Evans, and gave him one last smile. She nearly reminded him of his mother. He waved goodbye to the woman and walked back to his car.

When James neared the corner of his floor to change into more decent clothes, he swore he could hear familiar muttering near his flat. He peered from the adjacent wall and saw that it was indeed Lily standing in front of his door with a letter and chocolates in one hand, the other hand poised in the air as if she had paused in knocking. She seemed to be at war with herself because at the very last second, she sighed and put her hand back to her side.

James knew that Lily was there to probably ask him for advice and revising her letter to her loved one, and he knew that he would not hesitate in guiding her. However, he was pushed into action when he saw her wipe at her eyes.

“Lily?” he called out, and she jumped at his sudden voice. He moved towards her, and he wondered how strange he looked with a large bouquet of flowers in his hand, which were what Lily’s eyes were focused on. She seemed to become even more saddened for a reason unbeknownst to James.

“James. Hey,” she said weakly, trying her hardest in flashing him a smile.

“What are you doing here?” he asked curiously.

“Same reason you got those flowers, I’d expect. To tell someone that I love them. Good luck with her, by the way.”

He blinked her at and stared in confusion. His eyes widened at the sudden realization.

Lily loved _him?_

Lily Evans was in love with _James Potter?_

Internally James was jumping up and down in the midst of a hurricane, as he was feeling a torrent of emotions right now. There was happiness, obviously, but there were also feelings of shock and self-pity because he _had_ wasted two years convincing himself that he’d never be loved.

On the outside, however, James could barely speak full sentences. “You…?”

Her lips curled up at him, and she wiped off the tears falling from her eyes. “Wasn’t it obvious? I suppose I’m too late now.”

“I— _What?”_ he asked again, the strong implications rendering him nearly speechless. She handed him the letter, which was clearly written to him, in her hand, and she turned around. He hesitantly opened the letter and read it.

_Dear James,_

_You told me that I should write down my feelings to the person I love, so here I am writing this letter to you. I know I’m not whoever it is that you’re in love with, and I would much rather it be me than her, but please hear me out. I love you, James. I love how you never fail to make me laugh and how you’re always there for me in times even I don’t want to be there for myself. You give me so much hope for the future because frankly, you’re my future._

_Sometimes I wonder if I have this much of an effect on you the way you affect me. I always look forward to when we’ll see each other again, whether it’s in the next five minutes or three days from now. I see you in all my pleasant dreams and in my future. We’ve been through so much together. Doesn’t it make sense that we go through life together? I’ve tried so so hard to get over you, but just when I think that you’re finally out of my skin, you come right back in, and I don’t mind at all._

_I find myself thinking back to that night that you kissed me. It was probably the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life, most likely because it came from the most important person I’ve ever met. I still feel the sadness and disappointment from when you denied any feelings towards me, as I had high hopes that maybe a romantic relationship could kick off from there. Every time I think that maybe, just maybe, you feel something for me, you say or do something that shows that it was all in my head._

_I know I’m not better than her, whoever she is. How could I be? If she’s amazing enough to grab your attention and to make you fall for her, then she has to be the most perfect woman in the world. I know I’m not good enough for you James, and I hope that you don’t take pity on me. I’ll always be here for you, James, even if it’s only just as friends. Even if things don’t work out in my favor, at least you know how I feel towards you._

_Love, Lily_

“You mean all of this?” he asked, feeling his heart swelling at her confessions. So much was going through his mind, and he had so many questions to ask her. She nodded, though she was still facing away from him. He placed his hands on her shoulders and carefully spun her around to turn to him. Her mascara was smeared on her cheeks from her tears, and he tentatively placed a finger to her cheek, wiping the mess off. He pressed his forehead against hers, and he got a brief close-up of her beautiful green eyes before she closed him. “You’ve been jealous of yourself, love. It’s always been you.”

Her eyes opened immediately, and she pulled away from him, “Why didn’t you tell me in the first place?”

He was completely taken by surprise. “What?” he sputtered.

“I spent the most of the time I’ve known you wondering if you’d ever reciprocate my feelings!”

“You’ve fancied me for two years?”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“Yes! Because I felt the same exact way towards _you_ in the same amount of time.”

“You didn’t do anything about it,” she said quietly.

“You haven’t either. And trust me, I’ve tried _lots_ of times.” Remembering the flowers in his hand, he held them out, “These are for you.”

Her eyes softened. “They’re beautiful.”

He flashed her a warm smile. “Would you believe me if I said I tried to get you something for Valentine’s Day last year?”

“You did?”

“Yeah, but then you were already spending it with someone else, so I didn’t bother you that day.”

She looked at him in confusion. “I spent my Valentine’s Day last year alone.”

“Wait, what? I heard kissing and laughing from your flat! And then you went out with Big Nose not soon after!”

“That was probably the romance movies I was watching that you heard. I held onto the hope that maybe you’d come through with a gift, and then I tried to get over you with Big Nose.”

“Oh my god,” he said, and soon they found themselves laughing, “We’re such idiots. I can’t believe I thought I was doomed to never be loved when it turns out we just had _terrible_ communication about our feelings.”

“ _Honestly._ I thought I knew everything about you, and it turns out I’ve been a bigger part of your life than I thought I was.”

“I can’t believe we were jealous of _ourselves_.”

“I know. I was fully prepared to spend the whole day alone thinking that you were going to run off with your ‘lady love’ when it turns out _I_ was her.”

“Hey, I love our talk about how ironic this whole ordeal is, I really do, but what do you say we put our mouths off to better use?” James suggested, and her eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Oh, like eating these chocolates?” she teased, shaking the box of chocolates in her hand.

James shook his head and rolled his eyes at her. “Actually,” he started, taking her other hand and leading her inside his flat, where he promptly pushed her against the door and pressed his forehead to hers, “I was thinking more along _these_ lines.”

He kissed her with all the passion that had bent pent up for two years, and he felt her lips curl up against his, where she eagerly responded to him. She tasted vaguely like chocolates, and he wondered if she had divulged in a box of chocolates before meeting him. It just made him have a better appreciation for chocolate.

Even though he couldn’t exactly remember how it had played out at Frank’s party, James knew that this kiss felt _much_ better than that drunken one that they had shared. He heard the box of chocolates thud to the ground as Lily got more into it. She hugged her arms around his neck, and he felt her jump up, wrapping her legs around his. He caught her, carefully carrying her over to his room and gently placed her down on his bed.

The electricity that he felt coursing through his veins seemed to take a physical effect on Lily, as her hair was fanned out on the bed almost as if she had been electrocuted. His lips moved down to her neck, nipping at her skin, and she let out sounds of delight at his actions.

He remembered kissing every bit of her skin that was exposed, and soon their clothes lay at the foot of the bed as they got thrown haphazardly about. Lily Evans was a sight that James could never forget. His fingers traced around her body like a map, and over time he knew that he’d become familiar enough to have memorized every inch of her.

As they lay in the aftermath much later, their fingers were intertwined with Lily’s head on James’s chest. “That was _amazing._ ”

“It’s all thanks to you,” he said.

“No, I actually think that it was because of you. I mean, have you ever heard of any other bloke who holds your hands during sex?”

James chuckled at her. “I haven’t, as I’ve never been with a man before.”

“Hand-holding is a telltale sign that a bloke is great in bed.”

“Sounds like you’ve been with many blokes that holds hands.”

“Nope. Just you,” she replied, patting his chest. His eyes skimmed over the curves of his body, and his heart swelled up at how stunning she was. A goddess, really.

“Have I mentioned how gorgeous you are?”

“Many times when we were going at it,” she smiled at him. She tilted her head upwards to him and pressed her lips against his own. God, he could really get used to this.

James was struck with a sudden revelation and pulled away from her, asking, “So we _are_ dating now, right?”

Her eyes softened at him. “James, we had a discussion about our feelings in the hallway.”

“I know, but I wanted clarification and reassurement,” he replied, getting up from the bed. “Now that that’s established…”

“What are you doing?”

“Put your clothes on. We’re going to the mall,” James said rather than answering her question. He paused in buckling his belt and looked back at her. Seeing that she had not moved from her position on the bed with her eyebrows raised, he added, “Stop looking so cute. Come on, Lil.”

“We’ve all the days of the year to go to the mall. Right now, I want to cuddle you.”

“We’ve all the days of the year to cuddle,” he retorted, though he had to fight off the overwhelming urge to just lay back down and hold her close to him. He moved around the bed with her discarded items in his hand. “Come here.”

She was going to put up a fight, James could tell, but then she decided against it and complied. James had put down all but her bra, which was still nestled in his hands. “You’re not going to put it on, are you?”

“‘Course not. It doesn’t belong on me,” he replied. He beckoned her closer and swept her hair over her shoulders. “If I took your clothes off in the first place, it’s only polite of me to put it back on you, yeah?”

She laughed at him. “If that’s your logic, how come I didn’t dress _you_?”

“That’s a turn off. I’d rather you pull my pants _down_ , not up.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she replied just as he finished clasping her bra together. He adjusted her straps and gave her a small kiss on her cheek. She put the rest of her clothing on, and he took her hand as he led her out of the flat.

“So is this going to be our first date?” she asked him.

“Well, I reckon we’ve gone on billions of dates before, only that we haven’t acknowledged the romantic aspect of a date up until now.”

“All right, so this is our first _official_ date.”

“Official. I like that.” Lily hummed in agreement, and they held hands as he guided her into the mall. Lily was in for such a surprise when she realized where they were headed. James stopped in front of the Build a Bear Workshop window, and she clasped her hands over her mouth in excitement.

“Are you serious?” she asked, turning towards James, who only responded with a playful smirk, “Oh, god! You are serious!”

He thought she was so adorable getting so excited over such a small thing, but internally James was practically peeing his pants because his girl was so happy. “It’s taking every part of me to refrain from making a Sirius joke.”

“Oh, even that won’t damper my mood,”  she replied, pulling him inside. “Seems your urge to want to make _other_ things was all a sham.”

“Suppose so,” he replied, following her as she weaved around the shelves of many different kinds of stuffed animals. “They misled us with the name. There’s other animals than bears in here.”

“Yes, but it’s _much_ catchier than Build a Stuffed Animal.”

“Alliteration _does_ make things better,” he agreed, a small smile on his face as he watched her try to choose a bear, or any animal for that matter.

“There’s so many options,” she noted. In the end, she settled for the simple, light brown Happy Hugs Teddy.

“It looks rather depressing without the stuffing,” James said, eyeing the bear casing in her hand.

“Well that won’t be for too long, will it?” she replied, walking over to the station where they could select an audio recording. She grabbed an audio recording box from the pile and handed it to him.

“You want to put a recording of _my_ voice in the bear?”

“No, James, I want a recording of a child throwing a tantrum,” she replied sarcastically.

“Seeing as no sane parent would deliberately bring their child here on a day for couples, I’m afraid I can’t secure some kid screaming. I could improvise, though. I think a pterodactyl-like sound would be very suiting.”

“Please don’t scream into the box,” she pleaded. James thought how hilarious it would have been if he had actually done that, but for the sake of his dignity— and probably Lily’s as well— he did not.

“If you insist,” he grinned. He led her to a more quiet part of the store to properly record himself. “I love you, Lily,” he said earnestly into the recorder. He looked down to see Lily’s reaction, and she was positively beaming with happiness. He couldn’t help but press a kiss to her cheek. They returned, and Lily chose the mint chocolate-scented disk.

James went to consult a worker to stuff Lily’s shell of a bear, who asked her, “Do you want it soft and cuddly, hard and firm, or somewhere in between?” James could tell that it was a long day for the poor woman, but it didn’t stop him from saying something inappropriate.

“Sounds like a description of a penis,” he muttered, and Lily elbowed him. The woman didn’t seem to hear him, though, but that was fine. Lily was his only intended audience anyway.

“Soft and cuddle, please,” Lily answered the woman, flashing her a wide smile. They watched the worker line the bear’s opening with the tube, and the sounds of the stuffing machine added to the loud atmosphere.

“Rather morbid, if you think about it,” James commented.

“ _James._ ”

“What? Imagine if that was an actual bear or any animal in general.”

“Fortunately it is not,” Lily answered just as the woman finished. Lily quickly scurried through the pile of foam hearts, choosing the one that most resembled the shape. She held it up to James’s lips. “Kiss it.”

“I’d rather kiss you,” he replied, but he listened and kissed the heart anyway.

Lily placed the heart into the bear and handed it back to the woman, who proceeded to stitch it up. When the woman finished, James and Lily walked to the section labelled as the dressing room. “God, this is going to be exactly like a typically day shopping with you,” James said.

“Oh, don’t act as if shopping with me was pure torture.”

“It wasn’t. At least I got to see you modelling your clothes.”

She blushed at him, and she turned away to look at the wide selection. “Oh, god. There’s little bear pajamas. That’s _so_ adorable.”

“You’re so adorable,” he said, not realizing that he had consciously said that.

“I guess, but look, James! It has a little candy heart design,” she held up the small article of bear clothing to show him.

“What are you waiting for? Put it on him,” James encouraged her. She smiled and pulled the outfit over the bear’s head. They moved to the final stage, where they created the bear’s birth certificate. “What do you wanna name him?”

“I don’t know, actually. What do you think?”

“Prongs.”

“Prongs? Like a fork?” she asked, laughter coming out of her lips.

“Yeah,” James answered, taking the bear from her hands and talked with a high-pitched voice, pretending that the bear was speaking, “Because I forking love you.”

She nearly doubled over with laughter at his antics. “God, you’re terrible.”

_Prongs_ waved his arms about, replying in his bear voice, “You love it.”

“Maybe.”

James paid for the bear, and soon they were walking through the mall hand in hand with Lily’s other hand holding the box containing Prongs. As they passed Victoria’s Secret, Lily paused. “Hey. Let’s stop here.”

James’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “To get you underwear?”

“No, James, to get me perfume and lotion.”

“Didn’t you say it was a luxury you didn’t need?”

“ _Yes,_ but I also said that I didn’t have anyone to impress at that time.”

“Well, if you really fancy me walking around with an erection the entire time.”

Her nose scrunched up in disgust. “I won’t be trying it on. I know my size. Besides, you don’t know where it’s been before, and I always wash new things before I wear them.”

“All right, point taken, but I’ll still have an erection because I’ll be _thinking_ of you wearing that,” he replied, “I’m paying, if we haven’t established that.”

“No, we haven’t established that.”

“Great, it’s established now.”

“Established that _I’m_ paying.”

“ _Lily.”_

_“James.”_

“As it is Valentine’s Day I am morally obligated to spoil my girlfriend.”

“Hmm, keep thinking that. Once you start seeing what I choose, you’ll be too distracted to realize that it’s too late for you to pay for everything.”

“Fucking hell, you’re right,” he grumbled, and she beamed at him.

“Great. I promise you won’t be disappointed.”

As it turns out, Lily did not disappoint him, and needless to say, James thought that this was the _best_ Valentine’s Day he ever had.

Maybe he didn’t have the worst luck with love after all.

  



End file.
